a broken spell

reflections on 10 days off facebook.

I left facebook a week and a half ago, and while I know that’s not a long stretch of time, it sort of is in online terms.

I don’t think there’s been one instance in the last decade, apart from now, where I’ve not logged into facebook for 10 days. Usually, I’d pop in daily to see what was going on – habitual check-in’s that meant I was always tethered.

But honestly, so far it’s felt uneventful.

In my preparations to leave, I had moments bordering on panic, moments I felt overwhelmed by an ominous sense of foreboding – like surely I was making a terrible mistake. Was this even allowed? I had lived with this space – and in some ways, through it, for so long I couldn’t conceptualize life without it.

But as it turns out, you can just leave. No one will stop you, and nothing terrible happens when you do. And a part of me was shocked by this.

So far, I can’t say I miss it. I’m not experiencing any physical or emotional symptoms I’d connect to a withdrawal response. So I guess facebook was more a habit than an addiction? And I’ve only started typing the facebook url in my browser a couple of times before remembering – oh yeah, I don’t have access to this anymore – and then moving on with my day.

From this tiny bit of distance, I now see more of what was hard about facebook – why I ultimately felt pulled to leave entirely. And it was the ways I was always spinning in its vague sense of wrongness – all the mental energy I was spending trying to solve an impossible equation, searching for an answer (how to be there + make it work) that had no answer, at least none I was able to find.

And now, that “spinning wheels” feeling is just gone.

A glorious absence.

I see that part of what facebook gave me was an illusion that I had more connection + community in my life than I actually did – along with the illusion that the dopaminergic activation of all of that “checking in” was leading anywhere productive or generative.

These illusions served as a distraction, I think, from both the aching yearning I was feeling for something deeper and the hard work it would take to build it.

I don’t know where this is all going – again, it’s only been 10 days. I imagine I’ll keep processing it all. It feels like there’s more to this than just sorting my relationship to social media – deeper questions of community, connection, belonging, and showing up in public.

For now, I know I’m valuing this newfound emptiness. I feel how it’s decolonizing my insides, making more space for my own self – my own voice, feelings, impressions, and ideas – to rise up within. I know that internal empty quiet is a sacred space + fertile depth to protect for all kinds of reasons.

I will admit I’m still on Instagram + have similar questions about that space. For now, I’m logging on once a week to check in + do some posting, and then deleting the app from my phone for the rest of the week. Now that I’ve broken the facebook spell, leaving meta altogether feels more possible than ever, but I’m just sitting with it for now – adjusting + titrating with this latest change.

For now, I feel most committed to staying curious + protecting my imagination.

And noticing what emerges from there.

Much love,

Rae

Show + Tell: my new rocks!

I recently adopted these 2 new stones, and I love the spirit they each bring. The one on the left is an orca agate I found in a little antique shop in Cambria, CA last month. I’d never visited an antique shop before, and wow, was it a magical, transporting experience — like steppping back in time + going through all the grandmothers’ attics + closets. This was my son’s first trip to California to see his grandparents, and it was special to grab a little momento of this time.

The stone on the right is a flower agate I stumbled upon on Etsy, and it was so beautiful — just like a bouquet of flowers — I had to have it in my space.

Fun fact: both flower + orca agates are from Madagascar and were discovered around 2018.

Upcoming Maternity Leave

I’m having a baby soonish, so I’ll be on maternity leave later in August. I hope to continue writing a bit, and my decks will still be available, but my podcast and 1:1 work will go on hiatus. If you’d like to schedule a session with me this summer before then, you can learn more + grab yours HERE.

This week on Creating by Starlight…

… navigating astrological transits…

Astrological transit can sometimes be difficult, but they are profound periods of transformation, invitation, and growth.

Tune in to learn what astrological transits are (and aren’t) and how to navigate these periods and answer their invitations with skill, grace, and intention.

Listen on Apple or Spotify.